Eschewing Definer Labels

Things are going well with Dan. It’s odd, to find yourself so compatible with someone when you were certain there was no one on earth who could ever “get” you. But he does, and I’m still reminding myself every day to just go with it.

One thing that I’ve found is that I’m questioning the need for labels when it comes to relationships. In my 20s it was all about “Are we or are we not boyfriends?” Dating is a fine label because there’s flexibility and freedom in that label. There are also uncertainties, and at one point in my life I was not comfortable with those. I wanted the term “boyfriend.” I needed that label, and as an older and wiser person, I think I have figured out why–a label is like an insurance policy. You’ve got some protection for your investment. The problem is that there aren’t insurance policies in relationships. There aren’t guarantees. And while NOW I’m certain that Dan and I have a lot in common and get on like peanut butter and jelly, there’s never a guarantee that that won’t change. At any moment, one of us could feel differently and we would have to deal with that reality. So I think that many people look to labels as some kind of guarantee, a sense of security.

I’m learning to live in the moment. Learning to have low expectations and be pleasantly surprised.

And I have thoughts on why people say the L word as well, but we’ll save that for another post.

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One thought on “Eschewing Definer Labels

  1. Um…what you said 🙂 I’m very comfortable with things being “unlabeled”…I think we know where we stand with each other right now, it isn’t defined by what we’re calling it this week. I don’t have any ulterior motives here, I’m not pursuing this with you because I have a void in my life. It’s because you are an amazing person, and I really enjoy your company and what makes you tick. And the more I learn, the more I want to know. And it seems the timing was right for both of us, which is a rare thing indeed. I’m looking forward to seeing where this is all headed. 🙂

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